Boobs, Bums and Lady Gardens AKA The Naked Calendar

We all remember calendar girls – back then the naked calendar was somewhat taboo.  Yet now everyone seems to be doing them. A great way to make money, especially as it gives everyone the chance to have a giggle – even if it is at your own expense.

So of course on Saturday morning I found myself walking in the torrential rain to the University Students Union to bare all for charity.  At about 10.22am I am beginning to question why I agreed to this, however at this point I was already there – so turning back was no longer an option.  Radio broadcast on the other hand was.

In my bag were two cuddly toys to cover my lady parts, thankfully they were large enough for the task despite my failure to check beforehand.  Before I knew what was going on the clothes were off and poses were being struck.  A fairly liberating experience yet intensely bizarre – one of those things to cross of the bucket list, even if like me, you’re not 100% sure it was on there in the first place. One more thing tried, one less thing to do, one more thing to be embarrassed about!

Schubert and Sergei used to cover my lady parts

Despite the embarrassing laugh I had at my own expense, talking to others I found that some people are certainly not keen on the naked calendar idea.  T would seem there are concerns that people would be intimidated by others bodies and perhaps bullying would occur.  In my mind this is not the case.  We’re not posing for page 3 after all – you can’t see anything, in my own experience two cuddly toys were covering my top half whilst Bridget Jones style knickers were covering everything else – so very far from sexy, I’m hardly going to be the centrefold of next weeks playboy magazine!

Concerns aside the naked calendar continues to be a money maker and popular fundraiser for charities.  If people will buy the calendars and people will take part in them – why not?

Has the naked calendar had its day?  Do they promote the wrong ideas about body image?  Or are they just a great fundraising idea and a bit of a laugh?

Follow me on twitter @LucyBarclay1 

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The Double Bum Effect! The Horror of Bikini Shopping …

It’s got to that time of year again when the sun starts to shine, albeit intermittently.  Now I am willing to accept that the temperature has barely increased to above 14ºC, and I had to de-ice my car this morning – But in my mind its still summer, or at least the beginning of.

We may have only had a mere 3 days of sunshine, but this is the weather in my mind (one can dream)

And yes although it pains to me to admit it, I am one of those people that is a bit too keen.  The sun comes out and to me the only thing to do is replace the coat for a light cardigan, and the jeans in favour of shorts.  However this does usually mean I’m sat shivering in corner, while everyone else is enjoying their day – perhaps they’ll be wearing the jeans, hat and scarf I wish I was wearing.  At least if I was wearing that I’d be warm.

But as the sun does start to rear its head, my first thoughts are bikini shopping.  Now I’ll browse numerous shops and websites for that perfect swimming ensemble.  Yet never does the image on the model quite live up to my expectations once I’m wearing it myself.

Current Favourite, African Bandeau Bikini, Topshop £26

I’m not overweight and have never been overweight.  I’m a size 8 yet unfortunately I have been blessed with a rather large derriere. And while this does not result in calamity on an everyday basis, bikini shopping is something quite different.

But firstly to illustrate the sheer size of my backside, not long ago I was walking down my own road, albeit I was wearing a body-con skirt but in my defence I was heading into town for a night out.  I’m just minding my business until I hear the horn of a car go, I turn round only to be greeted by a very considerate gentlemen.  So considerate in fact he had taken the time to climb half way out of a moving car’s window to yell pointing at me, ‘look at the back-end on that!’  I’m still none the wiser as to whether that was a compliment being given to my ‘back-end’ or not.

When it comes to the all important summer swimwear choice I am drawn in by the various patterns, tribal, aztec (although I’m convinced that’s the same thing as tribal) floral, stripy etc etc.  However why oh why do these shops not consider that perhaps some people have a bum? Bikinisets generally come in sizes 8, 10, 12 etc.  But why is it so hard to find separates with that same print you’ve fallen in love with in the sets?  Why can’t I buy a size 8 top and a 10, perhaps even a 12 for the bottom?  Now being an A cup on top usually isn’t a problem for fit, but having an above average size backside is.  But of course you can bet if the bikini fits like a dream on the bottom, its somewhat gaping on top.  Therefore I am usually one of those people that have to sneakily change the bottoms for a larger size, in fear of what I call the double bum.

Now the double bum is not the best look, especially when exposed on the beach.  Like I’ve said the top half usually is a perfect fit.  However the bottoms … no no no!  Too tight, normally exposing a little too much flesh for my liking and cutting in at all the wrong places. Creating what is usually, an unsightly bulge or bulges to be precise.  And to demonstrate further what I mean, this illustration should clear up any misunderstanding as to what the double bum is…

The double bum effectNow my bum is big, and I tell myself Kim Kardashian has this same genetic makeup.  And while that’s true, the double bum effect doesn’t quite have the sex appeal of a sculpted Kardashian posterior!

Of course you never see the likes of Jennifer Aniston or Katy Perry with this problem.  But of course they’ve got an army of dieticians, personal trainers etc etc.  But whilst focusing on these celebrities an the perfectly formed backsides, lustworthy legs and sculpted abs I think we all forget that that comes at a price.  Now I am not someone who is going to feel satisfied having eaten a handful of granola for breakfast, a bowl of soup for lunch and wait for it … An entire lettuce leaf for dinner.

I can’t be doing with that, I just try and eat healthily and try and exercise (even if thought of running makes want to crawl up into a hole and die).  I don’t want to be pumping iron at the gym everyday.  I just want to be healthy but enjoy myself, so if that means that a bar of chocolate now and then or a bowl of ice-cream is banned.  I’d rather keep the double bum.

 Follow me on twitter: @LucyBarclay1

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